I have officially experienced the brunt of my scathing tell all blog. My mother- in- law was pissed about what I wrote about her mother, then my sister- in- law (and probably brother- in- law) got pissed about what I wrote about their aunt. I must now clear a few things up.
Number 1: Crazy Cat Lady is not a bitch. I was annoyed when I wrote that statement, but she is really a very nice person. There is nothing wrong with being a crazy cat lady. I am a crazy cat lady in training. As I said before, I have all the makings. It is very dramatic the way we react to our pets interactions, and the way we treat the owners as a result.
Number 2: The new family is not the only crazy family I interact with. My own family is super nuts also. This is not a bad thing in either circumstance. I am spending the bulk of my time with the new family right now, so they are who I interact with the most. Of course they end up with starring roles. Later, I will tell a story about my crazy mother so that no one feels left out.
Number 3: All the things I write are caricature's and exaggerations! Hopefully you, my readers, already know that. Hopefully this will give the new family some peace of mind, to know that all those reading this are being informed that not all that is said should be taken literally.
Now, for the smack talking I promised about my own family. Though my family has had a long history of crazy, we'll start with my mom.
My mom has always said that she doesn't believe in punishment, but rather natural consequences of your actions. I will tell the story of the ultimate consequence that I experienced when I was 16.
I snuck a boy into the house at night. He was my boyfriend at the time, and I loved him like no one has loved a man before. (Correction, I loved him like all 16 year olds love boys their parents don't like.) He was supposed to leave before my parents woke up, but we fell asleep. Stupid teenagers!
In the morning, my mother knocked on the door to let me know I had to get ready for school. At the time I was going to a charter school. I took most of my classes at home and met with a teacher periodically to go over my work and get tested. This was going to enable me to graduate early and, I thought, get into college with scholarships.
I took a shower. The plan was for the boy to get out when we left, and stay quiet until that time. Good plan, right? Wrong. While I was in the shower, the boy decided to munch on the chips from the night before. My ever clever mother heard the bag crinkling from outside my bedroom door. But I was in the shower, how could there be a bag crinkling in my room? She caught him! Red handed!
So what, you ask, might the natural consequences be in this matter? Well, first she had him arrested for trespassing. A perfectly natural response. Then she went to my school, without me. I thought maybe she would be picking up my new books for me but was to angry to take me with her. I was terrified of the yelling and screaming that I knew was coming when she got home. So I left. When the cops were done talking to me, I just left. I didn't come back for almost a week. The story of that week is a story for another time.
Upon my return, ready to face the music and get back to my dreary, boyless life, I found out that my mother had not picked up my new books for me. In fact, she had pulled me out of my school! She had taken it upon herself to take me out of my fast track to college school and enroll me in the regular high school, where I'd have to take the whole year at a snails pace!!! Of course, I boycotted and refused to go. I told her I wanted to finish at my own school, It was only going to take the rest of the semester and I'd be graduating more than a year early. My protest was recognized. She pulled me out of the traditional school after not attending a single day. She enrolled me in continuation school!!! Even worse, no one gets into college from a continuation school!!! I went for one week and did so much extra work, they graduated me the following Monday.
So this is the natural consequence of sneaking a boy into your mother's house, apparently. Your educational record smeared and college delayed. Man, I learned my lesson! To this day, my mom will tell you that it was because of my grades she pulled me out. But take a look at my transcript and you will find that I was getting A's and B's.
Of course, there are many more stories about my family that I could tell, but I want to save them for a book about another time. There is the one about how my best friends mom called cps (the public display), a myriad of trials and tribulations arising from her choice in men, the annual beat downs when she 'just couldn't take it anymore', the eating disorders fostered by being her 'chunky buddy' on every diet fad you can imagine. Just a taste so you know to read the next book. That is of course assuming that this ever becomes a book.
Gotta Go
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