Inappropriate Humor

Ever since I can remember I have always used inappropriate humor in uncomfortable situations. I talked crap about my grandpa at his funeral, I made fun of the orange jumpsuits in juvenile hall, but since I met my husband with heart problems, it has gotten really funny.

It all started with the first time he went to the ER after we got together. I started telling the doctors they couldn't let him die until he got life insurance with me as the beneficiary. I mean, if I'm going to put up with a sickie for any length of time, I should get paid at the end, right?

Oh, then he went to the ER for dizziness incurred after I accidentally kicked him in the mouth during sex. (An overly ambitious position change for a sick person and someone who isn't a current gymnast. I try to be interesting.) The nurses kept asking how he got the injury and we kept telling them the honest truth, they just thought it was inappropriate humor.

Then he went to the hospital for what we thought might be internal bleeding. He had a huge bruise over an artery and he's on blood thinners, so it was a little concerning. The funny thing about this visit was how we noticed it. It was on his inner thigh right where it goes from being leg to being naughty. You can use your imagination, the gay nurse who was treating him did.

Side note about the gay nurse: this guy was at least 6 feet tall and 200 pounds with a well gelled Latino fro, neon bracelets and a vibrating tongue ring. He had an effeminate lisp and was staring way to hard at my baby's junk. Now, you know I love the gays, I'm a fag hag, but this guy was a little to much. I mean, you don't check out a patient's penis in front of his wife.

So now he's getting surgery that we hope is going to be a cure and I say to you, "When you marry a guy with a chronic and life threatening illness, you go in prepared. I had myself all worked up thinking that he might die in 5 to 10 years, and now he might live for 30 or 40 or more. Now he's put me in the position of having to re- evaluate this whole commitment and marriage thing. I mean, it's really easy to make a lifetime commitment when life will end in 5 years, now what do I do!?"

This is an example of inappropriate humor. Just in case his family reads this, I'm obligated to say that I really do want him to live forever and am completely prepared to spend the rest of my life, regardless of how long his is, loving him unconditionally.

But really, what is a girl to do when a superficial short term commitment turns into life?

(Seriously, I love my husband.)

Such is the life I lead